lyricalisse

I keep revisiting this place– it happens every few months. I get frustrated with myself and my affluent community. I feel guilty for being wealthy and for having so much. I mean, compared to my friends, I’m not rich– I make 35K and have about the same amount in student loans. But I have way more than enough, and compared to most of the world, I am loaded. My life is very comfortable, and I know that it is not to be taken for granted.

I start reading books on poverty, and Scripture on how God wants us to clothe the naked and feed the hungry. How He wants us to be responsible stewards of the resources He’s given us. How He is a just God, and all this stuff in Amos and Luke and Isaiah 58 is no joke. I feel motivated to give and serve. I volunteer at a homeless shelter. I give money to World Vision, to my church. I write letters to prisoners. I buy a copy of Street Sense once in awhile. I try to keep up with the news.

But then I get overwhelmed. My inbox is bombarded with e-mails from humanitarian agencies about disasters to pray for, letters to write to Congress, and campaigns for donations. The tragedy in Burma (Myanmar), food riots in Somalia, blood diamonds, human rights violations in China, imprisoned Christians in Communist nations, shootings in the DC public schools, unsafe working conditions in factories that primarily employ vulnerable people, and the list goes on. There is so much evil in the world.

Meanwhile, I get distracted, busy and preoccupied with my day-to-day life– work, church, family, friends, celebrations, laundry, hobbies. Sometimes I am good at keeping up with the e-mails and prayer requests, but most of the time I just start filing them into folders so I don’t feel so guilty every time I open my inbox.

Guilt. I start feeling guilty for leaving a job where I served poor and disadvantaged students. I want to make up for the fact that I now have a comfortable job that pays me a decent wage that I actually enjoy– because I’m not helping anyone needy here.

Guilt. I start questioning myself– am I giving to the poor because I feel guilty? Shouldn’t I be giving out of love?

How do I get out of this place? How do I begin again so that my prayers and actions are motivated by love, and Christ’s example, instead of guilt?

I guess I’m just trying to reconcile things. I think the big question is this: How do I adjust my lifestyle so that it is more consistent with God’s call for justice, social/environmental responsibility, and right stewardship without becoming totally Gnostic or ascetic? Because I definitely tend to go that way.

And I’m so tired of this us/them mentality I have. It’s deep-seated and hard to get rid of.

I should pray.

More later…